Random Walk of Life

No, I am not talking about Eric Clapton’s song or Jeffery Archer’s senti short story.

I am refering to Number Theory, a subject which I have liked and aced since my high school upto my engineering. We had Number Theory and Cryptography as an elective and it was one of the most challenging papers I have written till date. And the most interesting one too.

But sadly for the past two years, I have been out of touch.

So, this friday when I was at Sapna book house , and I couldn’t help noticing this book.

Bought it off and am going through the book now. Brings back the sweet old memories of the well-lit room in the 8th Block hostel room, with Shuaib crumpled on the bed going through the faded xerox material, Vaiju on the floor, me on the table and Madhu on the other bed, all of us trying to solve some assignment problem on primitive roots. And the excitement when one of us found a solution or even understood a complicated theorem. And the pride in explaining how the thing works!

Ah, well! Those were the days

People who know me, know the fact that I like to keep my options open. Simply because it allows the freedom to defer any decision till it really needs to be taken.

However, in the last couple of years, I have observed that this has a common side effect: A totally scattered mind which is trying to multitask between hundreds of things at the same time!

In the process of ensuring that I had my options open, I found myself surrounded with so many options that all the time was spent in hunting for the most favorable one. Irony is that, the same time could have been used to act on one of these hundred options!

Today morning, I read this article titled “Pitching with Purpose” which talks of Focus and Self-Discipline:

“Self-discipline is a form of freedom. Freedom from laziness and lethargy, freedom from expectations and demands of others, freedom from weakness and fear — and doubt.”

All this while I thought of discipline as something that bound you or constrained your natural flow. But this article gives a totally new perspective.

It’s simply wonderful how a combination of sights and sounds can unlock some of the memories hidden deep inside!

It rained today evening. The evening air was cool. As I was bicycling back home from work, Lucky Ali’s Sunoh started playing on my iPod. And all of a sudden, I was imagining an egg-roll and a hot cup of tea!

A few years back I remember in my first year of engineering, we had holidays before the end-terms. It was sometime in May, when monsoons had already begun. The smell of the earth wet with the first showers was intoxicating. To top that, I was listening to IndiPop on Adarsh cassette player. It was a “Hits of Lucky Ali” or something like that, I was listening to , that night. Since it had been raining all evening, I skipped the mess dinner. Well, I also had some Strenght of Materials lessons to revise.

And thus, by the time it was 12 in the night, I was really really hungry!

So I strolled out in search of food. Saw a whole batch of seniors walk towards this tiny little place which used to be called The Night Canteen or NC, located behind the PG block. I followed them to that place and ordered an Egg Roll and a hot cup of Tea. That was when I told myself “You will never go to bed hungry again. There’s a place that’ll feed you no matter how late it is in the night. So let the night outs begin!“

And today, the same smell of wet mud, Lucky Ali’s composition brought those memory alive!

Opening Mood: OLS paper got selected!
Opening Song: None

Funny thing! When luck doesn’t favor you in love but the loved one gets lucky, you celebrate with them, wearing a mask of sanity, the price for which you pay by burying your own loss. Until one fine day, when there won’t be any difference between the mask you are wearing and your own true self!

Someone rightly said, “…Love is a one way street. Love like respect, isn’t something you get; it’s something you give.” [1]

However, the same person said “.. Strong men make their own luck” [1]

Oh well!

Closing Song: None.
Closing Mood: Gotta hurry to keep an appointment

[1] Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram.

Opening Mood: Lazy! Totally!
Opening Song: The God that failed - Metallica.

Finished the Harry Potter series recently. I must say, I am a bona-fide fan of the series now. True, the story is great and the characters are so lively and all that! But what I loved the best was her ability to “invent” magical objects. The names really rock!

Not in any particular order the ones that will be of most use to me:

The Pensieve: Don’t you feel that if you had a device into which you could pour your memories and examine them later on? You can pass them on to others. That way you can describe your experiences in the best possible manner

The Deluminator: Lights out! So many times in the past when I wanted to sneak into the kitchen without being watched while I was nicking a piece of some chocolate or two. This would have been so damn perfect for that purpose.

Time-Turner: Need I say more? Mankind has wanted this since H.G Wells’ time.

Invisibility Cloak: You need this after a late night out in Bangalore so that the stupid cops can’t catch and harass you!

From one fantasy novel to another. Reading the Bartimaeus Trilogy this time. Probably LOTR later. Lets see

And yeah, after a year and a half of various different prototypes, the CPU-Hotplug Locking finally appears to be sorted out! Cheers!!

Closing Song: My Friend of Misery - Metallica.
Closing Mood: Hungry! Dinner time.

Opening Mood: Good Morning, and I’m still grumpy
Opening Song: None.

I saw him at the coffee house yesterday. It’s been more than a year since we last met. He hasn’t changed a bit. Dressed in a loose T-shirt and a pair of faded jeans, he looked casual as ever. He saw me and the next moment, he was at my table. So typical of him, I thought!

“Wassup dude! Howz life? How’s that Linux thing of yours goin on?” , he asked.

I told him about my work, and the interesting stuff that was happening there. He listened to all of it with great interest.

“So, it’s not t O(1) anymore, eh?! Nice. Will check that out sometime.” He said.

I asked him about his work, and life.

“Going on! I am enjoying it. Nothing to do with what we studied back in college. But doing good.”

I felt happy for him. Finally the chap had found something which has managed to hold his attention for this long. Good for him!

“I’ll be quitting next week. There’s this other cool thing I read about the other day. Will be working on it!”

I guess he loved the expression on my face, when he said that. Because he gave me that wicked smile.I asked him if he had any definite plan about this other thing.

“Nope! It’s still in a very nascent stage. Will fiddle with it for a while.”

I really couldn’t believe it!

This is one of those people who has real potential to change the world. Instead of realizing it, here he was “Wandering! Yup, that I am. And I like it. I feel extremely light.”

Fear of the C-word?, I asked him.

“Not at all! It’s just the futility of commitment. I don’t see the point in it. Simply cannot understand how can I make a promise to accomplish something, when there may be thousands of interesting things on the way. I can’t just ‘let-go’ of these things. I will be interested in stopping and having a look around. And may be, one of these things’ll drive me on a different path, which may never meet the first one. And, I don’t wanna keep anyone waiting for me!”

I gave a puzzled look that demanded further explanation.

“Dude, I don’t want to be defined by some one thing that I do in life. I’ve seen it happen before. You show your interest in something, and people around you create an image, associating you with that thing. And in course of time, you yourself accept that image, and feed it further. One fine day, when you discover something else which is “fun”, the same people tell you that the “fun” thing doesn’t fit your image or it’s extrapolations. And thus, you automatically become a member of the society’s “Repressed or Rebels Club”. The moment you let something define you, you are enslaved by an obligation to do well in that. Sometimes it happens without your knowledge. And you start thinking - ‘But this is what I wanted to do all the while! So I should be happy.’ Just that my idea of happiness isn’t preceded by conditionals.”

I started laughing. I understood what he was talking about. I got up. This meeting was over.

He was still sitting there, smiling.

I paid our bill, picked up my stuff, plugged in my iPod and bid him adieu. Led Zep’s voice filled my brain.

Stairway to the heaven. Man, people sure *do* wanna buy that thing! I started walking back home.

Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run.
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.

Closing Song: None.
Closing Mood: Wide awake.

Opening Mood: Recovering from flu.
Opening Song: Leaving Home - Indian Ocean.

Today, as India celebrates its 60th anniversary of Independence, I am trying to put into words what freedom means to me.

Freedom, is a very basic and pure ideology. An ideology so powerful that many fought for it, many died for its cause. For many, Freedom was about living a life which was free from oppression, where you did not have to justify every action of yours to some one else, where you could live your life in the manner you chose to. This is my understanding and I feel that it was for this “freedom” that many struggled.

I am not comparing our degree of freedom, using interrogatives like, “Have we completely achieved that yet?” or “Are we there yet?”. Nor am I seeking to shed more light upon imperatives like “This freedom was hard earned. It’s our duty to protect it”. Their relevance might be paramount in various contexts, but in the context of pure freedom, they, in my humble opinion are nothing but contradictions. The moment we start trying to put “freedom” into words, it’ll stop being free! It’ll be bound by the very words which “define” it, making it something definite! So what am I trying here? Come to think of it, writing another haughty article on freedom like this one, is only adding to that bundle of contradictions!

<snip snip snip>

We all know what Freedom means, don’t we?! So, why bother to define something that is so pure and primitive? Why not just live for what it is, without justifications?!

Happy Independence Day to you all

Closing Song: Melancholic Ecstasy - Indian Ocean
Closing Mood: Enlightened!

Opening Mood: Good. Just watched RDB for 2nd time.
Opening Song: Ya Ali - Gangster.
Date: 22nd April, 2007. 5:00 P.M

Life presents us with so many opportunities to spend our time in a joyful manner. We should learn to identify and exploit them. I believe that having fun in what you do is very important, because that’s the basic purpose of our living - the pursuit of happiness. (I will watch the movie someday)

When I joined work after college, work had become my only priority in life. Primarily because it was (and is) exciting. So exciting that I was ready to forgo everything else. My colleagues, mentors, friends criticized this attitude of mine. But I had no complains. Not until I noticed that I am missing out on some of the other good things in life. Were these other things important ? I guess so, since I started noticing that I was missing out on them.

Probably we all need to grow in several dimensions and not just one. That’s how we appreciate our journey as a human being.

Question was, what do I do?!. In college there was always something or the other to do. But what about in Bangalore (or should I get into the habit of saying Bengalooru) ? The answer turned out to be simple. A new city, a new culture meant a lot of new things to learn. I wanted to learn them. I still do. Which meant going out and exploring stuff. But not everybody around me, thought the same way. So I was kind of on my own. Besides, I found out that relaxing during weekends wasn’t or rather isn’t my cup of tea. I don’t enjoy sleeping those extra hours just because I have slogged my ass off during the weekdays. The so called “slogging” doesn’t make me tired. So I wanted to use the weekends to “do” something, which allowed me to learn and also have some fun!

So I did two things which were in my todo list since a long time.

I bought a bicycle! Yup, after five months of planning and procrastinating, I finally bought it. And now, I just love riding around the city on it. Keeps you fit as well. And gives you a means of exploring things on your own! Found out so many areas around my home which otherwise would have gone unexplored. The experience is good. But it’s not without risk either. I realized that one has to be very very careful while riding alongside the bigger vehicles. But one can more often than not avoid the busy roads and ride on the internal roads.

Then I joined Salsa classes. This place called Swingers in Indiranagar which teaches Salsa and a lot of other stuff. It’s a lot of fun shaking a leg and it ain’t all that difficult either! Already 3 weeks into the classes I find striking similarities between salsa and math. Both just flow in a smooth rhythmic manner.

Wondering what next! Drums ??! Probably. If I get time from the GRE/GATE preparation. So:

echo Learn drums >> todo.txt

Closing Song: Kya Mujhe pyaar hai- Woh Lamhe
Closing Mood: In mood for some cycling now!

Opening Mood: Just reached office. So, hoping for a great day.
Opening Song: Shakira - Hips don’t Lie.

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
Well I’ve heard the word before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

Nice song that one. “I am a Rock” by Paul Simon.

Hey, don’t worry, I’m just fine. This ain’t one of my drunken rants on how depressing life is. ( I am not sure if I will ever manage to write one with perfection )

The fact is that I listened to this song early this morning on Radio Indigo. Song about a total loner-introvert who has been betrayed in life, that he has taken solace in isolation: An an Island Never Cries. And I am left wondering why is Radio Indigo playing this song early in the morning. This one is a good “In-a-dark-room-gazing-at-the-stars-with-whiskey-in-hand” kinda song. Definitely not an early morning song.

While I am pondering over this, guess what I hear next?

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me
Love was out to get me
Or so it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams
Till I saw your face
Now I’m a believer
Now there’s not a trace of doubt in my mind
I’m in love
Yeah I’m a believer
I couldn’t leave you if I tried
I thought love was more or less a giving thing
Seemed the more I gave the less I got
What’s the use of trying
All I get is pain
When I needed sunshine I got rain Till I saw your face
Now I’m a believer
Now there’s not a trace of doubt in my mind
I’m in love!

That’s “I’m a believer” by Cadet!!

First the pain and then the panacea! Interesting  concept :).

Closing Song: Zephyr - Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Closing Mood: Mails beckon.

Opening Mood: Grown older by an year. I am losing my innocence
Opening Song: Bandeh - Indian Ocean.

What’s it about a few simpleton’s that makes you fall for them? Consider a few examples:

Disney’s Goofy for one! Forrest Gump another. The ever lovable Mr.Bean wonderfully enacted by Atkinson, one more. From the hindi soap world ( Ok, I am not a fan, but I do watch them when there’s no other option) Gattu the character from “Baa Bahu aur Baby” (Thankfully no K’s!!).

What makes them so interesting?

Probably, it’s their innocence and how they end up landing into some trouble or getting outta some other trouble , thanks to that innocence.

Rand0mwalker’s latest entry into this list is

Spongebob Squarepants.

- One of the coolest simpletons I’ve encountered in recent times.

Closing Song: None.
Closing Mood: Patch beckons.